the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can I color on your dick again?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
