Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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