Is it because I queefed?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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