I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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