her vagine was all disorganized.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
