smell my finger.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
