what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
