Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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