Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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