when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Boobs are out for the taking
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
