great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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