im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
