This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
