in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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