So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
