Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
