you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
