Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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