dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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