i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
