Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
