I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
