i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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