she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
