cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
