You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
