I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
