So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
