we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
