well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
