ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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