If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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