do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
