I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
