just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
