She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
