Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
