google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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