my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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