From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
