i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
