im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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