So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
