I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
