can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
