Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
