Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
