im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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