I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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