Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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