...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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