ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
