I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
