i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
