sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
